


Steph Doesn't Even Live Here

by MurderAlice



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bat Family, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:27:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9179548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderAlice/pseuds/MurderAlice
Summary: Bruce just wanted to finish his work but somehow, he became the prime suspect of a Waffle Iron murder ( God Rest It's Soul) and in dire need of a new lock. And maybe different children.





	

“FATHER!”  
“BRUCEEEE!”  
“B~!”

Bruce leaned back, his eyes pinched shut with a slow sigh. The day’s tension suddenly came barreling on, his shoulders gaining a new weight that only his children were capable of bringing. Fighting the underbelly of Gotham was an ease compared to trying to settle his unruly kids down. 

Quick, stomping feet came closer to his study before the door was slammed open, and in came a hoard of children he really did not understand how he attained.

Dick slammed into him, knocking his chest straight into the edge of his desk, but just before he could straighten himself out, in came Jason's bulky weight, soon followed by Tim and Damians sprawling limbs.

“BRUCE DID YOU DO IT?” Dick yelled into his ear, his grin glowing in mischief. Jason’s gloating laugh following his words.

Damian shoved Dick aside with a hiss and a glare, before turning his frown back down to Bruce, “Father, punish these fools for daring to even try and blame it on you. As if you would ever stoop to their level of stupidity!” 

Jason’s gloating laugh got even louder, causing Tim to shove him down with a frown from where he was laughing into his ear. Damian’s glare turned to Jason, his teeth bared in irritated anger. 

Before any more of his boys could cause him any more harm ( too late for that ), Bruce pushed their weight back off of his chair, freeing the digging desk corner from his aching ribs The boys still continued to yapper away, with Jason’s laughter overpowering their fighting. He took a moment to watch, watching for any signs of what the problem could even be for them to come with such...enthusiasm.

Raising his voice above the quarreling, Bruce finally asked the question he knew he would later regret, “Can I get an explanation for this interruption of my work?” 

All four boys turned, their squabble coming to a complete halt. When it got to the point of uncomfortable staring, Tim cleared his throat and said, “Someone broke Stephs waffle iron. As in, the waffle iron is completely burnt to the crisp and is no longer with us, God bless its soul. “

With that, the boys all crossed their eyes and murmured “Amen”, with even Damian nodding in respect. 

“Let me get this straight. Someone broke Stephanie's waffle iron and you guys believe it's me? Why does Stephanie even have a waffle iron in the Manor in the first place? She doesn't even live here.”, Bruce replied.

Four sets of eyes stared at him in disbelief. Dick shook his head in disappointment. “Ignoring the complete lack of respect towards the waffle iron," Dick started ,“God bless its soul “, again the amen and nod from Damian before continuing, “Ohana means family. And Family means nobody gets left behind.” , finished Dick with a firm nod.

Before Bruce could begin to even attempt to question his first son, Jason interrupted, “And now ignoring Dickie’s annoying Disney quotes, did you do it B-man? Don’t act like we don’t know about those secret late night snacks. We can see it on that waist old man.” He said as he trailed his eyes over Bruce’s body, staring into his eyes with a quick eyebrow raise and a sassy smirk.

Dick burst into loud laughter before attempting to hide it with a cough, as Tim gave a loud snort of upcoming laughter behind his hand covering his mouth. Damian, the only hope to Bruce’s dying pride, quickly looked away as he tried to hide the laughter in his eyes and smoothen the frown back into his face. Jason’s smirk turned into a full blown prideful grin, white teeth peeking through. 

Bruce couldn’t even attempt to hide his small glee at seeing his sons in such a state of childish happiness. He gave out a rather sad excuse of an annoyed sigh, and before he could begin to question his children once again, Stephanie and Cassandra burst into the room and the boys quickly froze.

“What up, batfam! It’s me, and my Queen, in the hiz house!” , boomed Stephanie as she tromped on through, Cass right on her heels with a wide smile and swinging arms. They stood in the middle of the room, expecting comments from the family, but at the tense silence, Steph’s smile weakened into a frown.

“Okay so like, who died?” , she asked as Cass scanned the room in confusion. The boys continued to be frozen in silence, the air thickening as they questioned whether to bring up the lost casualty of Stephanie’s fallen friend. 

As the air suffocated the room in silence, bodies tense and eyes wide with fear, Tim sucked in a large, loud amount of air , shattering the booming stillness.

“Bruce is pregnant!”

All eyes quickly zoomed in on Bruce, silence strangling the room as Bruce stood frozen with wide eyes and open mouth. Tim’s heavy breathing was the only sound, his hand pointing straight at Bruce, eyes wide as well but filled with scared nervousness.

As the seconds ticked by, Stephanie awoke from her shock and uttered a quiet “w-what?” to Bruce. Every eye seemed to burn holes into Bruce, the silence continuing to strangle the room.

“WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS” ,Jason shouted, forced smiled on his face as he heaved, arms out as he did jazz hands. He desperately looked at his brothers, cursing in his head as they continued to be frozen in shock. With gritted teeth, his slammed his foot into Dick’s, causing the older man to yell out a hissed “Fuck!”, before he quickly grinned and let out a forced booming laugh.

“Y-yeah! Squidward over here has finally realized..umm.. the wrong in his brooding days!” , Dick let out another obnoxious laugh, Tim letting out a small “haha” in support of his brother.

But despite their best ( or awful ) efforts, their laughter lowered at the room relentless stillness.  
Time seemed to stop, but a firm knock on the study door burst the timeless bubble.

They all snapped their necks towards the door, all eyes watching as Alfred walked in. Alfred scanned the room, his usual deadpan look not giving anything away. He quirked his eyebrows up and turned to Bruce, asking “Is this a bad time?” in his dry drawl. 

Bruce, still unable to properly process what just happened, awoken to Alfred’s words, whispering “I-i'm pregnant?” in disbelief.

“Congratulations, sir. I’m very happy to hear that. Now, I’ve made snacks, so if you all would go downstairs, it would be much appreciated. And Stephanie?” At that Steph’s head snapped to Alfred, mouth trying to form words before nodding her head in attention.

“I’ve gotten a new waffle iron to replace the burned one. I must say, I haven't the foggiest as to how Miss Cassandra and yourself managed to do such a thing to it, but it has been taken care off. “ And with that, Alfred walked out of the room, his retreating steps echoing through the Manor walls.

The silence stretched, but Stephanie then beamed and shouted a “thank you!” before pulling Cass towards the kitchen.

“Let’s go and try to make more of those Buzzfeed waffles Cass! I think we should try the…..” and her voice faded away into the walls of the Manor.

And there stood Bruce and his boys, each in varying states of disbelief as they stood in silence, all eyes on the Bruce. His eyes were downcast, trying to make sense of the situation with hands fisted at his side.

“I-i’m pregnant…”

**Author's Note:**

> A silly little fic I decided ( Read: forced myself ) to write after years of not writing! I hope I can keep up a regular writing schedule going after this and write more serious work but thank you for bearing with me with this. I need to give credit over the "Pregnant with joy and happiness " from an old Kingdom Hearts fanfic called " Your Daily Caffeine Fix" by Lovebites and Popcorn on FF.net. Check it out, its SUPER funny!
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please correct me or leave criticism on anything that needs fixing! I appreciate every single one of you!


End file.
